Deanne Fitzpatrick Rug Hooking Studio

Years ago, twenty now, when I first started hooking rugs I hooked rugs with a group that were all hooking in a very traditional style. There were only about seven people in my community hooking at that time so they were the only game in town. If I had been a follower, I too would be hooking in a very traditional style. Perhaps I would never have pursued rug hooking as an art if I had been one to follow all the rules , or succumbed to pressure from others to confirm. The group I began with did not understand why I hooked the way I did any more than I understood why  theyhooked the way they did, but they accepted me for who I was and the way I hooked rugs. We were all good people, with a single goal in mind, to hook for pleasure, and to spread the craft.
When I first started rug hooking, when ever I was with experienced rug hookers, they would look at me work either slightly scornfully, or confused. The general consensus was my loops were too high, and they were uneven. I did not follow a pattern.It was thought that I used wools that were raggedly or too thick. My rugs, some people thought, were not following the rules of rug hooking as they knew them, and therefore they were not right. I could have caved you know. Right there and then as a twenty something, I could have said, “Teach me the right way. I will do it your way, and you will love me,and we will be friends.” I could have caved to acceptance but I didn’t. I just kept making mats the way I felt (read “felt” again, cause it is all about feeling) that my rugs should be made. I never saw my way as the right way, just  as the way that I like.

There were times that I asked people who were hooking in a very traditional style what they thought. Once I asked Doreen Wright, a teacher with the Rug Hooking  Guild of Nova Scotia if she would be interested in critiquing my work, and she gave me some very good advice. I respected Doreen, as she had compiled all the bluenose patterns together into a book, and was a compatriot of Marion Kennedy who taught me how to hook. Both were old school rug hookers, who had done a tremendous amount for the craft. Doreen, sat back in a statuesque way, and with her very dry voice said, “I can tell you what all the rules are that we follow, and judge your work according to that, but do you really care? Then she said,”… Think about it. If you want me to I’ll do it.” I thought about it and quickly forgot about it. I also went to see another person who had contributed alot to rug hooking over the years, Doris Eaton. Doris told me, “Keep doing what you are doing. Just keep hooking the way you hook.” Both were good pieces of advice.
I have sought out alot of feedback on my work over the years, often from artists from other disciplines, but I have learned a great deal from other rug hookers as well.

It is natural as you carry out a hobby that is important to you that you will want to hear what other people think. We make things and we enjoy feed back on them. We are part of something bigger than ourselves, a community, and we are often interested to know what the community thinks. Giving and receiving feedback is an important part of growth, and many rug hookers want it. Over the last little while I have been thinking about what is important as we give each other the freedom to grow in our art and craft, and here are a few of the things I have come up with.
If you want to get a critique of your work:

• Find someone who is supportive and kind, and who believes in you and your work, but can still be honest.
• Make sure you trust the judgement and like the work of the person who you are asking to give you feedback.
• Be ready to hear the negative as well as the positive.
• Do not act on all the feedback you receive right away. Give it time to settle in, so you can sift through it.
• Make sure you are confident enough in your work that you are ready to hear the feedback someone hasd to offer.
• Do it in the day light. Pick a time to do it when you are feeling rested and refreshed, not tired and irritable.
• Wait until you have hooked a few rugs and know what you like before seeking feedback. Let your style develop, so that you know what you like. Do not cave on your style of rug hooking.
• Know that all opinions are subjective, and different people will give you different opinions about your woork.

If  someone asks you to give feedback to them about their rugs, it is good to consider the previous suggestions from your perspective. I have a few  personal rules that I try to follow when giving feedback to people about their rugs or artwork. 

• I don’t do quick and dirty critiques for people who want on the spot feedback. When you talk to someone about their work, you should know them, something about them, and the meaning that there work has for them. It is a personal issue, and it takes time and consideration.
• Remember what Somerset Maugham said, “People ask for criticism but they only want praise.” As the person giving the feedback you are in a precarious position.
• I try not to judge the work on whether or not I like it because I do not think that my opinion about that matters. I just try to look at the parameters of rug hooking as I see them, and give them feedback based on those.
•  I always find the positive in their execution, ideas, style or design and point those out.
•  I never get at the nitty gritty until I have spent time with them, and know that they can handle it.
• I always tell people that my advice is just an opinion, and that if they choose to do it differently I’ll still like them. This always gets a laugh.
• I ask questions that help the person critique themselves such as , “what do you think of this area?” It also helps me understand where they are coming from. 
• I do not overvalue my own opinion because I was asked and I often suggest that they get feedback from others as well.

Giving and receiving critiques can be difficult unless you do it with someone you are sure of and comfortable with. I will sometimes spend an afternoon with my friend Nancy Spear, who is an oil painter. We will look at either hers , or my work, and sing it’s praises but we will also get right down to it, and often as not, we find that the thing the other person picks up on is the thing we were wondering about ourselves. Sometimes she will point out something that is a problem for her in my work, that I just love, and cannot understand why she feels negative about it. I live with the comment and think about it. Often I will stick with my own opinion, but sometimes she brings me to realizations that I was not aware of. The thing is when I am with Nancy, I know she wants to build me up, not tear me down. She wants her artist friend to thrive, so that she can have a thriving artist friend. She is confident I feel the same way about her. When she is making great strides in her artistic life, I get the side benefit of learning from her. Feedback and critiques are great things in the right hands. Go gently, be kind, and surround yourself with kind and sensible people.

It is interesting how some relationships endure, while others fade. We have a few good friends that carry us through our lives. Others are great friends for awhile, but changes in circumstances lead you to grow apart. Nothing happens, but life, and with that change. There are lots of people in my life that if they lived down the road we’d be friends. As it is they live far and wide, and we hear from each other rarely.Tonight after leftovers, and  a movie with my daughter, I spent an hour on the phone to Tish, talking like she was down the road, though she is far away. Another friend Lily lives two hours away, but we talk daily sometimes, depending on the chaos or karma that we are each experiencing. I know that when ever I see each of them, it will be as if we are neighbors. Time will roll easily along until we do. When we are together, Tish and I can lay on opposite couches, have a nap, and feel as if we did something. Lily and I are about the same. Time spent is simple. Friendship is not really about finding the person you like the most, it is about finding the person who accepts you the most. Both Lily and Tish, and my other good friends know my strengths and love me for them, but better than that they know my weaknesses and accept me for them. They don’t have anything bad to say about me. They just say it right to me. They say it loud, and clear but it is never offensive, it just is. Sometimes it is yelled with a guffaw, other times it is said with a bit of silence after I have acknowledged one of my sins. There is kindness and there is love, but there is not much pussyfooting on any of their parts. The thing about acceptance is that once you decide that you are going to love someone, the flaws don’t get in the way so much anymore, in fact they are hardly noticable.
Surrounding yourself with friends who accept you, love and support you is a necessity. We are driven towards community, because community feeds us. I liken it to eating right, surrounding yourself with a community that serves up the right soul food. Often I have heard from rug hookers who are part of a group. Most of them tell me that their group energizes and supports them. Occasionally though, some of them tell me that they are not getting what they need from their group. In fact, when they show up at their group, they feel as if they do not really belong. Some have said, that though nothing was ever said out right, they felt criticized.
When people tell me this, I always tell them that they need to surround themselves with people that build them up, not tear them down. Often there is nothing wrong with the group they are part of, it is they themselves who needs something different. There is nothing wrong with the group , it just is not the right fit.
It is not always easy to slip in to a new group, sometimes it takes time, and the fit gets more comfortable. As time goes on, you can offer your ideas and contribute tio the group and it will become more of what you want. 

Other times you need to move on. I often think of the story from Sark, who says that if you have a friend that you hate to hear from and do not really enjoy hearing from you should set them free so that you can both have the opportunity to spend time with people who meet your needs. We often think we are doing someone a favour when we hang on, but are we really?Sometimes a group no longer works for you because your needs change, and what was once a good fit no longer feel the same. This too is perfectly normal. What works for you one year, might not work in another year because your interests have changed and developed. It no longer fits because you have grown. Sometimes it is as simple as a scheduling conflict, and two interests collide, and you can no longer get out on the same night.

I was talking to Lynn, the coordinator for our local hooking group and she said our local group is changing alot. The Highland Hookers, meet Tuesday night, and are a gentle kind group of people who just get together to hook. I think all of us would agree that it is a  social group that builds up and supports its members. She said that many of the people who used to come out at night are tired after working all day and do not come as much. Many are teachers. She said though that new people have been coming out, and it is still going strong. I think the Highland hookers are a really good example (maybe I am biased because its local and I go sometimes) of a good working group. I have not been getting out to the group this year, but when I did I enjoyed it. It is a good working group and it works well for some key reasons.Here are ten things that I think are great about the group. 

1. Lynn offers good gentle leadership. She coordinates the group by maintaining a consistent place and time for members to meet. She asked the group for input on  the few decisions that need to be made, and sends an occasional email to keep people informed of up coming events.
2. The group is virtually free. You throw $2 in when you come so there is a little cash in the pot.
3. Gossip is avoided. Sometimes stories are told, but you never have to worry about leaving the room and being roasted.
4. There is an atmosphere of general kindness towards each other.
5. There is a mix of ages, rug hooking styles, and knowledge levels. This leads to learning and acceptance. people offer leadership at different times.
6. People offer their talents. Sometimes a member will give a demonstration , or teach something new, but it is not a group where  only one teacher leads.
7. Tea is available but there is no emphasis on food or food prep. Sometimes someone will bring along a box of cookies but there is no pressure.
8. Beginners are welcome, and members are generous about sharing their knowledge to get people started, and it keeps adding new life to the group.
9. Everyone is welcome, so you can bring a friend or invite someone you enjoy with out feeling you are crashing something.
10. The group is a siocial group. There are not any epectations upon the members other than to come out and hook if they feel like it. If you miss a few weelks, or months, that is fine. It is a come when you can kind of group.

Finding a group that is the right fit for you is only important if rug hooking is a social activity for you. Some people would never want to hook with a group and see it as a solitary pursuit. In many communities through out North America and beyond, people gather together to create rugs, to socialize, and in some cases to make those life long friends. Feeling cared for, and accepted is a vital part of belonging to a rug hooking group. If you do not get this feeling, than you might need to think about setting yourself free so that you can find a group where you are more comfortable. You might even start thinking about starting your own group, one that meets your needs, because, there is always room for more rug hooking groups. Every time  wet each someone to hook we are giving them a beautiful gift. We have no idea really what we are giving them, only time, and wool, will tell that tale.